Collection of some funny yet creative Status updates for Facebook, Twitter and other social networks. Enjoy posting :)
What’s a pirate minus the ship? Just a creative homeless guy.
The most terrifying question a woman can ask a man is: Notice anything different?
Every time I make a bad decision, a referee should appear, blow a whistle and call a penalty.
I’m a huge fan of 50 Cent, or as he’s known in Zimbabwe, four hundred million dollars.
I spanked myself twice before I left the house today so if you see me being naughty, chill out; I’ve dealt with it.
I always hit “ignore call” with my middle finger.
I wanna write “I miss you” on a rock and throw it at your face so you know how much it hurts to miss you.
Why aren’t mustaches called mouth brows?
I do my best thinking when I should be sleeping.
“So you don’t actually KNOW any of these people?” a Facebook users first comment after Twitter is explained.
I never lie because I have an irrational fear of my pants catching on fire.
This still confuses me…Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.
I always whistle at women who are with their guy. So that her dude knows to treat her right cause there’s another guy waiting to scoop her up.
I’ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn’t need my assistance, so I’m going back to bed.
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
“You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that.” – Life
“I hate cats.” – Curiosity
If you’ve never fantasized about punching your boss, chances are you ARE the boss and you should know that your employees want to punch you.
Is it rude to throw an Altoid in someone’s mouth while they are talking?
Every time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle.
Congratulations!! You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.
You can tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile because an alligator has a wider snout, and crocodile is spelled and pronounced differently.
Any door can be a trap door by adding fire.
According to the dictionary, someone killed a rat with the dictionary.
Describe the taste of a pear without using “sweet” or “fruity.”